Our little part in a great effort

What Auntie Nouce is doing is so awesome, Mia and Jad could not resist following their Uncle Loumz' (also known as SuperPasteque) footsteps and stole their mamma's credit card to make a donation.

To whom? For what? And why?
All these valid questions are answered here. 

So why not join us and support the fight against cancer?

Your generosity will be highly appreciated of course (details for donations are explained here) but we mostly count on you for spreading the word.

Thanks so much in advance! ;)

Mamma Mia

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New Bundle of Joylousy

To the untrained eye, it may look like I have been away vacationing in Cannes or took some time off on my private boat. But any mommy would know the truth is far less glamorous. 

Indeed, I am still where I was months ago, except now, I am there with a double bill of craziness. Not that I am missing my nausea-days and the fancy pregnancy look but let's face it, two babies could drive even the zenest Dalai Lama to join Shaolin monks on tour.

Do not get me wrong, I absolutely and unconditionally adore Mia and Jad but they have the amazing (I believe magical super power) skill to get hungry at the same time and poop at the exact moment! This can give an entirely new meaning to multi-tasking, trust me. 

Just yesterday, I was burping Jad on my shoulder, holding him with one hand and rocking Mia to sleep in her stroller with the other, all the while singing lullabies with the softest, most maternal voice I could muster. Yes, night routines can be tricky like that.

All that, I can manage. With a little help from my slave (i.e. my mom) things can even run surprisingly smoothly.

However, what is unimaginable and completely insane, much less manageable, is jealousy. Mia is having a hard time sharing her loved ones, her home and even the air she breathes with her little brother. So much in fact, she is breaking our hearts. And ears. 

A little tension was expected. So was a little conflict. Resistance on Mia's part was even understandably reasonable for a one-year old baby. But the degrees her inner pain is reaching is truly overwhelming and distressing. 

Her tantrums are not those of a spoiled little brat. She is truly in pain. And it is the sort of pain papa and mamma cannot save her from. We actually kind of caused it.

However, the guilt feels a little less heavy now that other friends have shared their personal stories. Apparently, it does not matter what age your first child is, a newcomer will always engender siblings rivalry.

So yes, when the child is a bit older and can understand certain concepts and their meanings, you can probably prepare them emotionally and psychologically to a certain extent. Nevertheless, they will feel betrayed when that new little bundle of joy takes some of their previously unshared care.

And as we were sharing experiences, I heard the funniest stories:

A little one who could formulate sentences requested from his parents to "return that baby to the hospital, it's been a week already!" while another older one started throwing anything he could get his hands on out the window every time he felt that urge to express his frustration somehow.

And then, there is even the funnier stories of adult acting all weird and insane just because they are jealous of relatives or friends. I will not go into details here because some readers might recognize themselves or others and we do not want to offend anyone, now do we? ;)

Conclusion?

It is going to be difficult for Mia (and all of us) but she will adapt. And soon, she will learn her brother is in fact the best friend she will ever have. I should know, I am a first child myself :)
    

Mamma Mia

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Shopping Cart

I haven't written a Product Review for a while now although I've been wanting to do so for months. But since at the time there was only one particular product I wanted to share, I figured I'd just wait until the list extends to at least two or three interesting discoveries. Finally, I have them :)

Baby Fever can be so cute and fun, I attest. Unless it is literally baby fever and we're talking about the child's temperature.

In Dubai I had found patches to stick on baby's forehead to help reduce the temperature. I cannot remember the brand and hubby could not find them when I asked him to bring us a couple of boxes to Lebanon.

So I checked for available alternatives in Beirut and found this magical treasure:

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

At an ungodly hour of emergency one night, I was happy to know Mazen Pharmacy in Corniche Al Mazraa would deliver the miracle patch right to my door.  

In a nutshell, Cool Aqua-Patch works almost immediately and effectively helps reduce fever. It is so much better than ice-cold water which Mia would constantly fight with all the strength her little body could muster.

It is now illegal for pharmacies to home-deliver in Lebanon, however Mazen Pharmacy will bring you any over-the-counter product 24/7, provided you purchase at least one item from Mazen Supermarket. Tel.: +9611300444 +9611313369 +9611313362.

My advice is to keep a couple of Cool Aqua-Patch boxes at home, at all times, in case of emergency.

-△- WARNING -△-

The following text contains highly feminine content which may be graphic to some of the male population. It is intended to provide tips for mothers-to-be on post-delivery issues. 

You have been warned ;)

-△- WARNING -△-

The other couple of products I'd like to introduce are actually two brands of the same article: maternity pads.

Before my first delivery, I was advised by the hospital nurses to purchase "Relax" a local brand by Sanita. I don't know if it's because they have some sort of arrangement with the company or if it is just because the local brands should be cheaper, and thus available to all patients alike. Or maybe "Relax" has just become synonymous with maternity pads in the same way Kleenex, Kotex and Panadol are colloquial synonyms for tissue paper, sanitary pads and paracetamol.

In any case, "Relax" did not relax me at all.

It was rather uncomfortable as the pads are too narrow although super thick, and the nurses advise to place two next to each other to cover the entire area.

This time again, I went to the hospital carrying my box of "Relax", not so happy at the idea I'd have to wear pads thicker than my baby's diapers and yet, not wide enough to do the job!

So you can imagine my joy when my pharmacist advised me to go for something else when I was (finally) out of "Relax". The first time, he gave me Euron© Micro:

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

Verdict: slim, yet wide enough to cover all the needed area. Perfect.

As I'm almost through needing pads, I went back asking for the same quality of product (pure cotton, no plastic filter or perfume) but smaller in size.

The pharmacist asked his assistant to bring the requested product, and I think there was some sort of misunderstanding because I ended up with exactly the same width and size as Euron© Micro:

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

After reading on the box "Odour Dry System" I suspected these were actually not maternity pads. I was not mistaken as it appears I was given a box of Helen Harper Incontinence Pads. A quick jump to Euron© Micro's site would confirm these too are in fact incontinence pads.

The result is the same: wide yet slim and absorbent. What else could one ask for, right?

So my advice is, if you're on your way to the hospital, in labour, put aside your pride and make sure you pack a box of "leaking" pads in your bag. Don't worry, that won't be the last or even the worst pride-robbing gesture you have to make for the sake of your child ;)

Mamma Mia

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Piece of Cake!

Number 2 has arrived! 

And he even has a name now: Jad.

Every child brings along new love and new joys. At our household, they also bring cake along. Indeed, Mia got to celebrate her birthday every month until she turned one, and now it is Jad's turn to give mommy yet another excuse for guiltless indulgences!

The rationale being, a newborn's age is recorded by months, and even by weeks during the first month. Makes sense, right? And that is why we had the utmost pleasure of celebrating Jad's One Week Birthday a few days ago. 

This event got me thinking about Mia's first year celebrations and of course, cake.

And cake always takes me back to Mia's 6-Month Birthday which was the first real-fake festivity. After all, many parents do pay attention to this milestone and deem it to be cake-worthy.

But in our case, since all previous months were also as deserving, I decided to make this one extra special by ordering a customized cake inspired by Mia's favorite toys for her Half-Year.

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

Following that yummy success, Hubby's first Father's Day was also granted the same special treatment. The key syllable here being "Treat".

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

The impressive chef behind those masterpieces is Erum Khalid, a Dubai-based mumtrepreneur from Pakistan who took her love for baking to the next level. And beyond.

That mother of three who is also a full-time KG1 teacher at Wesgreen International School credits her mom for being the inspiration behind her passion for cooking: "My mother used to be a really good cook, but she didn't really bake. I used to watch her cook sometimes, and this is how I got interested. I actually did a small baking course with my aunt 15 years ago, right before I got married. After I got married I moved to the UAE, but didn't really bake for a long time."

What led you to bake for others? 

It started when I tried to bake some cakes for my husband's birthday and also for his cousins. The cakes were appreciated. Then I started searching for recipes, and I discovered the Internet. After I started working at WIS, I liked to take new cakes I had tried to school for feedback. The cakes and bakes were very much appreciated. It was actually my teaching assistant Mehreen who suggested that I should start this as a business.

Photo Credit: 7th Heaven

Where did you learn to bake? 

I learned to bake from the course I did before I got married. The rest I learnt through the internet, YouTube and TV.

How did you discover fondant and where did you learn that art? 

I found out about fondant from TV I think. I saw how beautiful cakes can become using this medium, how lovely flowers and figures can be made. This was something I had not yet tried. So I tried different recipes from the Internet and made my own fondant. Then I eventually moved to store bought fondant because it's easier and less time consuming to use.

Photo Credit: 7th Heaven

How did this adventure begin?

I started baking on an order basis some time in 2010 when I baked a cake for the husband of one of my friends.

How difficult was it to launch your own business?

Well it wasn't very difficult because I didn't really want to start it off on such a large scale anyway because I am still working full time. I was getting orders from school and was satisfied with it.

How do you currently operate? 

I currently operate from home. I have a page on Facebook called 7th Heaven where people can look at the photos and if they are interested in ordering they can either email me or call me, the information is all given on the page. I am also currently listed in the Expat Echo list of home bakers. I don't do deliveries yet; and payment is either in advance or on pick up, depends on the customer.

Photo Credit: 7th Heaven

Are you planning to establish a full-fledge bakery in the future? 

Yes Insha Allah I am planning one, and would love to have the opportunity to set up my own business as a full time venture.

Do you organize special events to promote your services? 

I sometimes have competitions on the other page that I manage: Bakers United. We have competitions and the prizes are usually cakes and cupcakes from 7th Heaven (laughs). I had a special offer on cakes during Eid also. 

Tell us some more about the workshops you organize. 


I started giving classes and workshops because some of my friends requested that I teach them how to make cakes and decorate them. I have classes at home and have conducted a workshop for Mirdif Kids Club at Al Areesh club recently. Whenever I plan classes I post on both 7th Heaven and Bakers United so that people can be informed. 

Photo Credit: 7th Heaven
Step by step illustrated tutorial to create baby shoes in fondant

So you are very active on Facebook!


I have three pages on Facebook! One is of course 7th Heaven which is for commercial purposes where people can order cakes and cupcakes. The other page is Bakers United, which is a place where we share recipes, tips and tricks. I have photo tutorials and step by step albums to help people learn. The other page is just for fun: The Art Of Photography, where people can add their photos, learn how to take photos and just share.

What does the future hold for Erum Khalid? 

Well hopefully I would like to set up my own bakery/cafe sometime in the future if circumstances allow. I would love to make cakes on a regular and full time basis. Lets see!

Photo Credit: 7th Heaven

In one word, if you were: 

A dessert, which would you be? 
Chocolate mousse

A cake filling? 
Dark chocolate ganache

A color? 
Black

A song or music composition?
'Time to say goodbye' Andrea Bocelli

A film?
Masoom (Indian movie)

A famous character (real or fictional)?
Queen Rania

Mamma Mia+Jad

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Grand-Mother's Day - Bonne Fête Mamie

For as long as I can remember, growing up in France, we have religiously celebrated Grand-Mothers' Day in March, every single year. 

Well that is for as long as little humble I could remember. Because apparently, before 1987 this celebration never even existed! 

And to add insult to injury, the whole thing was created and orchestrated by a coffee brand! Granted, they are called "Grand-Ma's Coffee" (Café Grand'Mère) but still, I am a little disappointed. Not to mention, a study shows that this particular celebration had a direct impact on plants and flowers sales. Yikes!

No, no, I am not silly or naive enough to believe all other "holidays" are genuine celebrations of Mothers, Fathers, Love and whatnot. I do know we live in a commercial world. Ruthless. Heartless. And shameless.

But I like the little romanticism I have left in my heart.

Sometimes, I fear it may fade away altogether.

I love the clouds that used to be my world, growing up. I love the fantastic that used to turn the simplest details into extraordinary events. I love magic (not the Harry Potter kind though).

But I don't know when exactly, all this started to slowly dissolve into distant memories, and soon I fear, will become completely extinct.

I keep some faith that Mia and Number 2 might revive them one day. They have that kind of magic, children. I pray I am not too tired or busy or overstrained when that day comes. Because I want to enjoy it. I want to live it. I want to love it once again.

In the meantime, I'll keep on celebrating the Grand-Mothers in my life. Because they are deserving of any honor we can bestow on them. They are deserving of the time we set aside just for them and to  thank them. They are deserving of a little romantic touch. Coffee brands or not. Commercial or not. Whatever or not.

And for those who'd like to join the yearly fake-stivities, Wikipedia kindly gives a calendar of this "holiday" that has been carefully scheduled every first Sunday of March:

Fête des grands-mères

2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012	2013	2014	2015	2016	2017
04/03	02/03	01/03	07/03	06/03	04/03	03/03	02/03	01/03	06/03	05/03

Love to all tétas :)

Mamma Mia

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Cat and the Measles

Hubby is not very demanding. Music-wise that is. He loves a certain genre, the same he used to enjoy when he was younger, which is fine because, thank God, his younger years were not rocking to the sound of Britney Spears or Justin Bieber. (I pray he goes extinct by the time Mia turns into some crazed groupie because I do not think I could cope with Bieber Fever in my house).

Back to hubby. His favorite musicians of all times are Eric Clapton, Cat Stevens and Dire Straits. 

Mark Knopfler did perform in Dubai back in March 2005 but hubby could not make it then despite all his drive and eagerness to demand "his MTV". 

However (with a capital H), when came the time for Eric Clapton to visit the Emirates in February 2011, he vowed he would not miss his absolute rock god, no matter what. And indeed, despite our tiny 75-days old bundle of joy at home, we drove to Abu Dhabi and attended the concert. 

Eric Clapton at Yas Arena, Abu Dhabi on February 11, 2011
Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

Of course, hubby would have had to get a girlfriend for the evening had my brother not been able to baby-sit because I was not (hormonally nor emotionally) about to abandon my angel with a stranger under any circumstance. Hubby was lucky I trust my brother completely. But completely does not mean blindly, and I had my mom on video Skype supervising the whole thing all the way from Lebanon! And me texting on Whatsapp every 15 minutes! Fun, I know.

A few weeks ago, I made an interesting discovery on Facebook: an event created by Beiteddine Festival to announce that Cat Stevens was scheduled to perform in Beirut on February 18. Naturally, being a loving wife and all, I immediately forwarded the details to hubby who took five seconds to ask me to book tickets! So I called Virgin Megastore and inquired about the whole thing:

Me: Hello, I would like to know when Cat Stevens' tickets will be on sale please. 

VG: Who? 

Me: Cat Stevens. You know, Umm, Yusuf Islam? 

(silence) 

Me: You advertised his upcoming concert on Facebook. It will take place at Biel on February 18. 

VG: I have no tickets for this date yet. 

VG is "Virgin Guy", and I swear I am not referring to or passing judgement on his sexual life.

VG was probably too young to have heard of hubby's very own Bieber Fever. 

It took a few weeks before there was any news about the tickets and even for the concert to be advertised on the radio. But we finally managed to book online and hubby was all set to come for a 24-hour visit to Lebanon. That was the belated Valentine's I had mentioned in my previous post.

But of course, nothing would be worthwhile if there were not some obstacles on the way. After all, good things should not come easy, right?

And indeed, a few hours before we were set to go, Mia came down with a mild fever. Nothing dramatic, but still it was enough for me to change my mind. So hubby played the "don't do this to me" and "you're not going to send me to concert alone, are you?" cards and insisted it would be OK and my parents could give us a call in case of emergency. After all, Mia has been struggling with fever every couple of weeks or so, and we are now experts on how to deal with this drama.

I agreed but on the condition we would call a taxi because it would take ages to reach the venue, find a place to park and then maybe even longer to be able to get our car out of the parking in case of emergency.

So I called my favorite Beirut cab company, ALLÔ CITY:

Me: Hello I need a cab for 8pm please. 

Operator: Are you going to Cat Stevens' concert? 

Me: What? How did you know? 

Operator: How could you? I am stuck at work and you're going to Cat Stevens' concert?! 

Me: Umm... I am so sorry? I feel your pain?... 

Operator: That's OK, you enjoy yourself.  

Me: Thank you! What's the charge please? 

(My parents' house is in Hamra street, which is about 10 minutes away from the concert venue) 

Operator: 70,000 Lebanese Pounds (a little less than 50 US Dollars) 

Me and Operator in unison: That's about the same price as the concert tickets! 

Operator: I'm kidding, it'll be 9,000 LP (approximately 6 US Dollars)   

I love how the cab company's night shift operator knows Cat Stevens and the customer service guy at Virgin Ticketing has never heard of the man! :)

And off we went to Biel. The cab was a life savior because there was so much traffic at the entrance, we would have missed the beginning of the concert had we not ditched the car and continued on foot. We were not surprised to see people walking in to their seats in the middle of the first song. It was so crowded on the parking lot, this was bound to happen.

Cat Stevens at Biel, Beirut Lebanon on February 18, 2012

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid 

Cat Stevens at Biel, Beirut Lebanon on February 18, 2012

Photo Credit: R. Abouzeid

OK, I know, none of the photos in this post are worth sharing, but that is the best I could do with my phone. It is a Smart Phone, yes, but it is not *that* smart.

So I will make it up to you for sticking with me thus far (and ignoring the crappy visuals) and also because I am indeed super nice.

Here, allow me to share with you the last minutes of the concert:

Cat Stevens / Yusuf Islam Concert in Beirut... by rouba-motion

On our way back from the concert, hubby told me: "that's it, Eric Clapton, Cat Stevens, I can die tomorrow"... Umm, on behalf of Mia, Number 2 and myself, thank you hubby?

Of course he was only joking so I did not help in rushing his death "tomorrow" as per his clearly stated wishes.

Warning: The following contains detailed Mommy Rantings. 
You have been warned.

As for Mia, my parents managed her fever quite easily but by the time we were home it was already close to 39°C. We did not sleep one bit that night. Mia woke up several times, in pain and in tears.

The next morning hubby had to fly back to Dubai. All the while Mia was getting worse. The doctors told us not to bring her to the ER because they could not do anything more than what we were already doing at home. That afternoon, Mia's temperature reached 40.3°C and would not go below 40°C no matter what medication we gave her or how many ice-cold towels we forcibly placed on her shaky naked body. It was pure and simple torture for her, and for us.

And to add insult to injury, we noticed a mild rash on her neck which seemed to itch a little so we immediately checked her belly and back and inspected every bit of her body looking for other traces but found nothing. So we concluded it was probably a reaction to the very high fever.

The next day, her temperature finally dropped a few points and we were back to 39-39.5°C.

It was only until yesterday that we got the relief of reading that 38.5°C on the thermometer screen.

Today her temperature went back to normal, thank God. But the rash that seemed to be confined to her neck throughout the four days of fever spread dramatically on her back and behind her ears during the night. There does not seem to be one bit of spotless skin left in those areas!

So we immediately checked her belly and there it was: the dreaded rash, much milder than on her back but still, clearly there. Her face was spared with only a few red spots on her cheeks, next to her ears and on her nose mostly.

Obviously, Mia's fever was caused by a case of baby measles which seems to have been softened (somehow) by her vaccine.

And so now the waiting begins. Mia cannot sleep at night and during the day she is so cranky and clingy. We can only be patient as I cannot even imagine how horrible this itchiness must feel, especially to a tiny baby who does not know how to reach the areas that hurt and how to scratch them or how to tell us where it itches so we could help ease her discomfort a little.

Mamma Mia

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So Valentine's Day's around the corner

There's no missing it, it's everywhere on the net. Promos, competitions, features, and more and more of Cyber-Cupid love all around.

So Mia's Crew's joining the fun, in our very own way of course. 

Happy Lovey from Mia's Crew

Hubby and I, we don't really do the whole Valentining thing. I think I remember only two occasions when we played love-birds. 

If I am not mistaken, it was our very first Valentine's and hubby came home with roses, balloons and a cake for me, as well as another cake for my mom's birthday which is on February 15. Total sweetness. My mom still has that teddy bear balloon saved at home (so weird how that balloon is still intact, only God Knows what's in it, but I seriously doubt it's air).

The second time was in 2009, and I don't know why but hubby decided to go for the whole shebang and made reservations to spend the weekend at a resort in Fujairah. It was really fun and with all his traveling, we really needed and enjoyed the time together... And the food. Especially the chocolate and strawberry fountain! ;)

I do remember also having dinners out from time to time but nothing very special. Like I said, we don't do the whole Valentining thing. 

But I should probably mention February 2010 because it was ridiculously funny. My cousin was getting engaged on that same day in Zahle, which meant we got all dressed up with full hair and make-up. Well I did, hubby preferred a more natural look. And we were back in Beirut in the evening with nothing to do. So we thought, since I already had my false eye-lashes on, why not go out? Of course, hubby wasn't about to stay in his suit and neither was I! So we changed into our most comfy outfits and walked in Hamra street looking for a restaurant that didn't require prior booking. We ended up at... Crepaway! Ok, if you don't know Crepaway, allow me to just list a couple of its "main competitors" identified on Wikipedia: TGI Fridays, Burger King and McDonalds. I disagree with the last two, but yes, TGI Fridays is the same kind of joint. Not your most romantic place. Not the most "grown-up" for such an evening either. And indeed we were surrounded by highly excited, blushing and giggling teenagers who couldn't be prouder to be out on that special night. Needless to say, my hair, full-make-up and false lashes made some heads turn! Especially when they looked a little lower and realized what I was wearing. And just to give you an idea of how Valentiny we are, the street vendor who sells roses every day in Hamra and who probably waits for this one evening to make the highest sales got all excited when he saw my polished face and impeccable hair. No doubt, he thought finally a couple of grown-up, well-off folks who will buy not one, not two but a dozen roses from me. Well, never fall for appearances! Hubby dismissed him with a laugh, and something along the lines of "we're married, I'm done impressing her" and I agreed with a smiley mouth full of burger. 

Crepaway's placemat

This year, it'll be even trickier since hubby won't be in town at the time. We'll probably make it up when he visits next. 

In any case, we're never really excited about the day since it comes after a series of celebrations, and by February 14, we're already fed up with balloons, gifts and cake. Oops, my bad. Not cake. We are never, ever tired of cake. 

So basically, we start with Mia's birthday on November 29, my brother's birthday on December 20, followed closely by Jesus' birthday on December 24, my parents' anniversary on December 25, then New Year's, my birthday 23 days later and hubby's on January 28. And we're not done yet. Then there's my dad's birthday on February 7 (yes in two days, I know) and my mom's on February 15. So Valentine's kind of gets blurred somewhere in between. 

Teeny note: I love December to February. There's always cake in the fridge!

Well, if you'll be spending Valentine's with your kids too this year, how about some crafts and yummies that everyone could enjoy playing with, making and I promise no baking?

Like I said before, the net is buzzing with all sorts of seasony ideas and here's two I think would be lovely: 

Get messy with some safe and easy Play Dough recipe by Great Moms

• 2 cups of baking soda 
• 1 1/2 cup of water 
• 1 cup of corn starch 
• Optional food coloring

And for your sweet tooth, how about a bunch of Dipped and Decorated Pretzels courtesy of 5 Minutes for Mom?

• Assortment of pretzels
• Microwave candy melts
• Vegetable shortening
• Candy sprinkles 

Source

• Step 1: Gather your favorite pretzel snacks. The large pretzel rods and twists work well for this sweet project but you can definitely dip the small sticks and twists too for a mini treat. 

• Step 2: Candy melts are a great product for a non-chocolate flavor and come ready in fun holiday colors like red, white and pink. When melting the candy, use a microwave-safe bowl and add 2 tablespoons of vegetable shortening to about a cup of candy melts. Microwave the melts in 30 second intervals, stirring each time in between until the melts are smooth and creamy. 

• Step 3: Place a large sheet of wax paper over a hard surface. Dip and cover each pretzel covering about a third of the surface. Tap the pretzel on the side of the bowl to remove excess candy. If your bowl is too small, use a spoon to pour the candy melts over the pretzels (necessary for the rods). 

• Step 4: Place the dipped pretzels on a sheet of wax paper and decorate with your favorite candy sprinkles. 

• Step 5: Let the dipped pretzels harden for about an hour. You can also place them in the fridge for a quick chill. 

• Step 6: Wrap your treats with candy wrappers which you can find at your local craft store. 

Click on Source for complete illustrated recipe

Now I'm usually more of a chocolate gal but these looked too adorable to skip. In any case, chocolovers can always swing by the Holidays recipes and try some of those chocolate-dipped strawberries I love so much.

And of course, don't forget to give away lots and lots of hugs and kisses! After all, the Day of Love wouldn't mean a thing without some warm, cozy and free-of-charge oversized displays of affection ;)


You can start now! Since I've just discovered that today is International Kissing Day. Yes! Apparently it's been trending on Twitter all day and I had no idea until now! So I figured, this is perfect for this post, right? Right. I wonder how we managed to survive all these years Twitterless!

Snapshot of my Twitter "Today is International Kissing Day" page

kisses to all, then!

Mamma Mia

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Safety First: Bullying

A haunting issue was brought to my attention recently. An issue we (unfortunately) hear often about but tend to dismiss because we do not feel it affects us directly or we are involved in an immediate kind of way.

Nevertheless, it remains a parent's biggest fear: Bullying.

Just the thought of it panics me. I imagine Mia, helpless, taunted (or worse) at school or on some playground and I just want to shoot the whole world!

So how can we protect our children?

How can we keep them safe?

Of course, we have to come to terms with the horrifying and cruel reality that our little ones will undoubtedly get hurt, some day, somehow, and we cannot always be around to shield them from harm. 

But we can and we should definitely arm them to understand and know how to protect and defend themselves when we are away.

It all begins with understanding what the danger is. In this particular case, bullies.

A definition would be a good start because many parents may not understand or even acknowledge the magnitude of bullying or all that it entails.

Unfortunately, bullies at school or elsewhere are children, just like their victims and maybe if their parents could recognize that behavior in their own kids, they could teach them how to grow up into better, kinder human beings. 

Moreover, bullying is not a behavior limited to young ones and adults everywhere may very well display such conduct with others, and worse, in front of impressionable children who will mimic what their parents do. Therefore, recognizing bullying in our own behavior is also key to remedy this epidemic of violence. 

So what is bullying?

Stop Bullying .Gov gives a concise yet straight to the point definition:

Bullying is a widespread and serious problem that can happen anywhere. It is not a phase children have to go through, it is not "just messing around", and it is not something to grow out of. Bullying can cause serious and lasting harm.  

Although definitions of bullying vary, most agree that bullying involves:

• Imbalance of Power:
people who bully use their power to control or harm and the people being bullied may have a hard time defending themselves  

• Intent to Cause Harm:
actions done by accident are not bullying; the person bullying has a goal to cause harm 

• Repetition:
incidents of bullying happen to the same the person over and over by the same person or group 

Types of Bullying 

Bullying can take many forms. Examples include:

• Verbal:
name-calling, teasing 

• Social:
spreading rumors, leaving people out on purpose, breaking up friendships 

• Physical:
hitting, punching, shoving 

• Cyberbullying:
using the Internet, mobile phones or other digital technologies to harm others

An act of bullying may fit into more than one of these groups.
Source

What I believe to be the most important part to reiterate and remember is that bullying "is not just messing around".

It is not cute and it is not excusable with the simple claim that it is "harmless", "funny" or a "joke".

It is intentional harm and it must only be viewed as such. Even (or should I say especially) when the harm is not physical because this is when boundaries can easily (and intentionally) be blurred.

It should also be understood that dismissing bullying behavior is another way of condoning it and being part of the brutality. A person who comes forward to denounce bullying should always be treated with serious consideration otherwise, they will feel harassed all over again. And rightfully so.

No parent will ever want to hear their child is terrorizing others. It is not easy being unbiased when it comes to our loved ones. And it is impossible to remain detached when it comes to our own kids. However, it is crucial to remain as impartial and objective as possible.

A child bullying his peers is not to be praised for displaying signs of self-confidence and assurance.

Violence is violence. Brutality is brutality. Harm is harm. They are very different from strength of character and certainty in one's own abilities. 

It is also important to remember that bullying is delinquent conduct that could very well develop into risky or criminal behavior so addressing the issue is key in preventing possible future, far more disturbing troubles. 

How can I know if my child is a bully?

Stop Bullying .Gov identifies a few warning signs that can be useful in recognizing bullying; the child:

• Becomes violent with others 

• Gets into physical or verbal fights with others 

• Gets sent to the principal’s office or detention a lot 

• Has extra money or new belongings that cannot be explained 

• Is quick to blame others 

• Will not accept responsibility for their actions 

• Has friends who bully others 

• Needs to win or be best at everything

Source

Some people who at risk for bullying others are well-connected to their peers, have social power, and at least one of the following:

• Are overly concerned about their popularity 

• Like to dominate or be in charge of others 

Others at risk for bullying others are more isolated from their peers and may have any of the following:

• Are depressed or anxious 

• Have low self esteem 

• Are less involved in school 

• Are easily pressured by peers 

• Do not identify with the emotions or feelings of others 

Other risk factors for bullying others include the following:

• Being aggressive 

• Have less parent involvement 

• Think badly of others 

• Are impulsive 

• Are hot-headed and easily frustrated 

• Have difficulty following rules 

• View violence in a positive way

Source

Of course, these are not the only criteria to distinguish bullies, and they do not necessarily mean a child is harassing his peers, but they can be a start. Once addressed, these signs can help parents understand whether they are dealing with bullying or not, and act accordingly.

The suggested solutions proposed by Stop Bullying .Gov are in my (humble) opinion valuable educational tools as they should be used with all children regardless of their behavior. They can help instill and maintain positive behaviors:  

• Talk with your child. Ask for their account of the situation. Be objective and listen carefully. Calmly explain what your child is accused of and ask for an explanation of the incident and their role. 

• Make it clear to your child that you take bullying seriously. Calmly let them know that you will not tolerate this behavior. Help your child learn that bullying hurts everyone involved. 

• Develop clear and consistent rules for your child's behavior. Praise your child when they follow the rules. Decide on fair consequences and follow through if your child breaks the rules. 

• Spend more time with your child. Carefully supervise and monitor their activities, including when they are online or texting. 

• Be aware of who your child's friends are. Find out how they spend their free time. 

• Build on your child's talents and positive attributes. Encourage him or her to get involved in social activities. 

• Work with your child’s school to ensure the bullying does not happen again. Ask the school to keep you informed. Develop strategies together to address bullying. Work together to send clear messages to your child that the bullying must stop. 

• Talk with a school counselor or health professional. They may be able to provide your child with additional help.

Source

How can I know if my child is being bullied?

Again, Stop Bullying .Gov proposes a checklist of possible signs to watch for:

• Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings 

• Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry 

• Has unexplained injuries 

• Complains frequently of headaches, stomachaches, or feeling sick 

• Has trouble sleeping or has frequent bad dreams 

• Has changes in eating habits 

• Hurts themselves 

• Are very hungry after school from not eating their lunch 

• Runs away from home 

• Loses interest in visiting or talking with friends 

• Is afraid of going to school or other activities with peers 

• Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school 

• Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home 

• Talks about suicide 

• Feels helpless 

• Often feels like they are not good enough 

• Blames themselves for their problems 

• Suddenly has fewer friends 

• Avoids certain places 

• Acts differently than usual

Source

Generally, children, teens and young adults who are bullied: 

• Do not get along well with others 

• Are less popular than others 

• Have few to no friends 

• Do not conform to gender norms 

• Have low self esteem 

• Are depressed or anxious

Source

So how can we fight bullying?

Stop Bullying .Gov has a few tips that parents can use to prevent their child from being bullied and inculcate basic standards for dealing with bullying (even if the child is not the direct victim).

Bullying is not a normal rite of passage. It can have serious consequences. You can help your child learn how to prevent bullying.

• Help your child understand bullying.
Explain what bullying is. It is more than physical; it can be done in person or over the phone or computer. 

• Keep open lines of communication with your child.
Check in with your child and listen to any concerns about friends and other students. 

• Encourage your child to pursue their interests.
Doing what they love may help your child be more confident among their peers and make friends with other kids with similar interests. 

• Teach your child to take a stand against bullying.
Give guidance about how to stand up to those who bully if it is safe to do so. 

• Talk to your child about seeking help from a trusted adult when feeling threatened by a bully.
Talk about whom they should go to for help and role-play what they should say. Assure your child that they should not be afraid to tell an adult when someone they know is being bullied. 

• Know what is going on in your child's school.
Visit the school website, subscribe to the student paper—if there is one—and join the PTA listserv or mailing list. Get to know other parents, school counselors, and staff. Contact the school by phone or e-mail if you have suggestions to make the school a safer and better learning place.

Source

ZERO TOLERANCE

Your child needs to understand that you have zero tolerance for bullying and you should believe that as well and act accordingly in order to promote a healthier environment and lead by example.

But parents cannot fight that war alone and all the stakeholders within your child's environment must contribute to the building of this positive atmosphere.

The very first and most important step is to report all and any incident to the school's administration (if the incident happened on school grounds) or any other relevant authority regulating the location where the incident took place. That is essential for that organization to support you in your immediate case but also in taking preemptive measures.

Then it is crucial your child receives professional help and guidance.

Finally, you can launch preemptive campaigns with the help of the school (or any other relevant authority) to raise awareness and hopefully prevent harm and violence from occurring. Get the school involved through large scale initiatives and have them teach not only the students about bullying's dangers and how to protect themselves but also train staff and faculty members to recognize and intervene efficiently  if and immediately when bullying occurs.

In Lebanon

Since I am currently in Beirut, and the event that prompted today's post took place in Lebanon, I sought professional advice there.

There is an NGO called Child Of Lebanon (Facebook) that champions children rights and aims at building child protection initiatives and programs. They offer trainings and awareness campaigns on school ground provided the school administration requests such programs in the first place.

You can contact them by email at info@childoflebanon.org or phone on +961.1.611630 / +961.9.936932.

A directory of all their experts, including personal contact information, is available on the NGO's website.

In the UAE

I will definitely update this post once I am back in Dubai. I have come across many health professionals and organizations with similar goals and I am certain I can find useful references once I am in town.

BE SAFE EVERYONE!

Links to Safety First and Foremost posts:

• Post 1: Cot Beds
• Post 2: Bullying
• Post 3: Fire
• Post 4: Bullying (Part 2) 

Mamma Mia

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