Sunday, November 3, 2013

CHILDISM. Learn about it. End it.

There are many forms of child-hate out there. 

Too many times on Facebook and Twitter, I read statements from friends and acquaintances passing judgement on parents and children in hateful ways. 

From the blunt "I hate kids" (yes, just like that, for no apparent reason, people seem to think it's OK to post this as a status while any "target human group" other than "kids" might have launched a wave of outrage) to more elaborate reasonings of why and where this hatred comes from (always placing blame on the children of course), these are recurrent statements on social media and even in real-life social gatherings.

Once I even read something not only obnoxious but also filled with ignorance, bigotry and just plain stupidity. It goes along the lines of:

"Women with small babies should not allowed on public buses"

Now wait, before you start passing judgement on him too, you need to know he typed these words with good reason (and his 20-something childless friends on Facebook all agree). The baby kept crying the whole way. It was unbearable. So of course, mothers with babies should be banned from public transportation. Naturally that defeats the whole purpose of transportation being "public" but who cares? Babies are just too damn annoying. And loud. And that mother could not keep that baby quiet for God's Sakes! An abomination. Seriously, legalize this: no parents with children on public transportation.

My first instinct was to go ahead and write a comment explaining to the said child-hater that first of all, this is what public transportation is. Sometimes you deal with loud passengers, sometimes you deal with rude passengers, sometimes with smelly ones, other times with harassers and apparently, taking from his statement with ignorant dummies too. When you do not feel like dealing with the masses, get your own car. Throw in a chauffeur too so you don't have to deal with other lousy drivers while you're at it.

Secondly, babies cannot talk. They cannot verbalize their basic survival needs (hunger, thirst, tiredness or even pain, most of the times because unlike childless people think, babies spend most of their time in pain, it takes a lot to grow up into a well-rounded child-hating adult). Blame Darwin. Human evolution is damn slow. This is such an annoyance. Why can't babies be born with full speech? That's just not practical to always have to try and decipher what's going on with them.  

So he's a crash course in "Try-Your-Best-Not-To-Be-An-Ass-Today 101":

The only way for babies to communicate their needs is through crying. That is highly disruptive, completely irritating, definitely inconvenient and annoying. To everyone. Parents included. Actually, parents in particular. So to bash this mom and portray her (even if indirectly) as an inadequate mother because she could not manage to calm her baby is simply shit. She probably tried it all and I can guarantee on a crowded public bus, her options were certainly limited. No mother wants to see her child crying or suffering (emotionally or physically). Also, she probably hears that crying all day long (if you're still wondering why that is, go back to the first sentence of this paragraph), and she certainly is as frustrated as you are, if not more. Embarrassed too, because judgmental ass-holes will make their annoyance quite obvious. I know that for a fact. They will work hard on making you uncomfortable and hindering your chances and efforts at any possible successful outcome. 

But then I refrained from explaining anything. To me, twenty year olds can be as annoying as teenagers, yes I am that old. (That doesn't mean I advocate to make 20-somethings illegal, although really, that wouldn't be a bad idea. See? Two can play that game, dummy). And when I saw the flood of compassionate friends supporting and sympathizing with their poor, miserable child-hating-pal, I thought, what's the point? Because I know the Internet and I know that in a matter of seconds, I would be dragged into a long, infinite really, debate of silliness. I don't have time for this shit.


Child hate is everywhere but I had no idea there was a name for it.

Pretty much like bigotry against a certain people on no other ground than intolerant ignorance or skin color is called racism, hating children or abusing them in any kind of way is called childism. Makes sense to you? If not, check the article that taught me this notion.

As you can see in the aforementioned reference, parents who purposely humiliate children in order to teach them lessons (such as posting stupid, and in my opinion really not funny photos of humiliating punishments on the internet) are just bullies. Kids don't have the means to defend themselves or their right to privacy against their parents and in theory it is the parents' responsibility and even duty to care for that very same privacy.

Now I know, I know, I am guilty of exhibiting countless photos of my über cute monkeys (not humiliating one though, I hope). And maybe when they grow up, they won't want to have all their photos all over the web. Or maybe, they are from a generation that is all over the web by birth and to them, it will be as natural as mobile phones which we'll all find hard to believe have been around for a few decades only (no, no, I am not insane, there was no mobile anything when we were born, except for maybe the oh-so-fancy walkman -- cassette walkman that is -- for those born in the 90's, I'm just making up words now). 

But the general rule is: people who have no children (whether in a relationship or not) are the ones passing hateful (and truly stupid) verdicts on kids and parents.

More often than not, they are activists and intellectuals, who fight for human rights on a daily basis and whose efforts are indeed commendable.

Some are true rebels and thrive in challenging society's pressure to conformism.

This is what shocks me. How can you be so hateful when you actively work day and night for a more tolerant and equal society?

Of course, there are always the occasional posers who pretend are rebels and intellectuals which is generally obvious and quite annoying. Possibly as much as a crying baby on a bus.

The internet is funny like that. Basically posting cat photos, cute animals videos or memes is cool. Talking about your child or posting their photos is boring and annoying. Oh well. But I digress.

I don't think of myself as a conventional person really. I believe in cohabitation as a necessity  specifically for the sake of a long-lasting marriage that could ensue.

I also did not want to get married at some point. Not because conformity would want me to become a wife and then a mother. Just because I didn't feel like being a wife would make me a better or a happier person. 

There was a time in my life when I did not want to have children. Not because society says I should and I was a wild rebel but because it would freak me out. Then I moved on to wanting children real bad but not a husband. Yes, I am weird that way.

Then I met a guy who made me want to get married and then, a very long time later, want to take the risk of motherhood. Go figure.

In any case, I know for a fact, these convictions evolve and change as we do and with the people who enter our lives and bring in new needs and hopes and dreams.

But I guess, now that I am a mother, I am less welcoming of all the sorts of abuse and hate that target children. Call it instinct. Call it hormones. Call it whatever it is that makes you happy.

Bottom line is, hate, no matter who it is targeting, is uncalled for, ignorant crap.

No one needs that much negativity. Especially not the young people who will grow up to become as hateful as the world around them. And not parents for whom raising another human being is hard enough without having to bear the idiocies of clueless bigots.

Make Childism unacceptable.
Make all hate unacceptable.

Teach love.
Live love.

Love all children so they know what is important.
And so they can grow up to become better adults than we are.
Hopefully, loving adults. 

Mamma Mia+Jad

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