Saturday, March 14, 2009


Life spits in your face...

But it's OK. You can either choose to be the bigger person, wipe it out and move on. Or you can be small and frustrated and stress about every little pain. Not that pain could ever be quantified. No matter how small it may seem, pain is pain.

But we're all blessed with the quality to be able to forget the actual pain and just remember the memory of something painful.

When I had my first miscarriage, the physical pain I felt was unbelievable, and it extended for ten days! Ten days of contractions. Today, when I think back, I can't even remember how bad it actually felt. I just know I was hurting. But nothing more. I guess that's how women can get pregnant and deliver once, and twice, and three times, and many many more times [if you leave it up to me :-)]

So today I am in pain.
Not physically, Thank God.
I'm just sad.

But I know that a few months from now, it will be another memory. Not necessarily a bad one. It all depends on how I look at it.

I am lucky.
I am healthy.
I discovered the problem early on.
And I am fixing it.
I should be glad
(maybe not immediately but on the long run, I know I will view this as a blessing and God letting me know He is watching me and taking care of me).

I was at the hospital just an hour ago, doing my last blood test and I saw this young woman, probably my age. She was crying and shaking like a leaf. It seems her sister was next to her or someone close. That other girl was on the phone all the time, stressed and shaking too and it showed that she had been crying too. Then, the first one asked: "what did the doctor say?"

And that was it.

I knew that tragedies happen every second of every day.

Some of them horrible, inevitable and un-fixable.

Mine? It will be fixed.

And soon, I will be carrying my child in my arms, close to my heart. And I will be happy. And this child and his/her siblings (because there will be more) will be even more of a blessing in my eyes because they didn't come easily. They made us wait and want them more than ever. And they made sure we know and understand how precious they are.

It's just how life goes.
And it's just fine.

So if you want to cry with me, feel free to shed a tear. It's OK. It's human. And sometimes it's even the best remedy.

But then, blow your nose really hard in a kleenex, and go back to life. With a little bit of melancholy, maybe. But life nonetheless. Because this is where I will be. And if you want to be standing my side, this is where you should be too. I'm waiting for you :-)


As I mentioned earlier, I had some blood tests done this morning. They confirmed that the pregnancy is ongoing (bHCG levels doubling every 48 hours) so my doctor just called and asked to see me on Monday. He will complete the last ultrasound and decide on how to proceed.

Will call him in the morning to set a time for the appointment.

Action Plan to be confirmed then.

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